I woke the morning of the training day, lacking the enthusiasm I’d been told to bring, instead feeling rather apprhensive and scared.
Something you should know about me: Awkward moments define my life, if I’m not experiencing them, I’m thinking about ones that have previously occured/could possibly occur.
I walked into the training centre, immediately into an awkward situation of not knowing what to say. So I just generally mumbled and looked shifty, whilst the enthusiastic women enthusiastically showed me upstairs to the training room, laughing whole heartedly about losing her cup of water. A false chortle escaped my mouth in recognition of this not so funny event.
I walked into the training room and noticed some people I recognised from my degree course, although I’d never spoken to them. They recognised me too and all was well as I sat next to them. Looking at the timetable we had been given, the first thing I noted was that the day didn’t last the 3 hours I had expected. It was to last FIVE. Or more, depending on questions asked. This severely dampened any enthusiasm I was beginning to habour. That and the fact the first thing on the timetable was the dreaded “Icebreaker.” I hate those things.
Name badges were given to us as we introduced ourselves to the rest of the group, said why we wanted to volunteer and which area we were volunteering in. As I said my name, everyone was staring as they do, making me feel overly uncomfortable so I persisted in staring at my knees, with my mind telling me “stop staring at your knees, you look shifty and shy, look at people, confidence and enthusiasm. CONFIDENCE AND ENTHUSIASM.” With this I attempted to make eye contact, whilst trying to say why I wanted to volunteer. Thought process at this point: “Why did I want to volunteer? To get a pass grade for my work experience module! I can’t say that! Aaarrrrrrrggghhh” Consequently what came out was “I’m working with…children and young people and erm….because….well….experience, to gain experience in….mental….health *mumble mumble*” The enthusiasm lady came to my rescue with a hearty “Thank you!” before moving swiftly on.
A presentation followed about what the organisation do. This was fine. I started to relax. Then a new woman came along. My name badge appeared to be particularly clear. She picked on me to answer the following question: “Define mental health.” I knew the answer. Except at that point, my brain left me. It was off like a shot, not performing under pressure. Consequently an outburst of “No! Don’t ask me!” came out. She persisted with asking me however. My thought process: “Mental health….I know I’m not supposed to say it’s anything to do with mental illness….it’s not mental illness…intellecutal? Emotional? Say something! Just say anything!” So I came out with “Perceiving….and interacting with….the environment.” The woman was just like “O….K…” And she moved on. Everyone else picked on after me said it was being mentally ill. At least I didn’t fall into that trap.
She then went on to explain neuroticism. Being in a mild state of panic at this point, my brain still having fled I wasn’t even thinking of being asked again but nor was I really listening to what she had been saying. So cue being asked again. “What is neuroticism?” I know the answer. At that panicked point in time however, I did not know the answer. So I came up with an example. “Erm…something…like depression…or something…” And then proceeded to stare at my knees again.
This whole process occured another 5 or 6 times. Before we broke for lunch. And then it happened all over again. And guess what? I have another training day on Monday.
