Musings…ramblings…whatever you want to call them. May 20, 2008

I’ve just been looking out of the window.

It dawned on me when I was watching a tree blowing in the wind how beautiful the world actually is. I don’t always feel like that or even think about it. But it’s amazing.

 I love the way the sun breaks through the clouds, how it always shines through radiantly, like the perfect constant to today’s fast changing world. I love the birds singing, like it’s nature’s very own song, they seem so happy and content. I love how the trees dance in the wind, how the colour of their leaves contrasts so sharply and beautifully to the clear blue of the sky or how they reach up tall to the clouds.

Our lives, our possessions, our concrete messes…they all come and go. Nature…unpredictable, you can’t tame it…yet it’s the only thing that’s always constant. And is more beautiful than anything we can make. It will always be there. However much we abuse it, take it for granted, ignore it, it will always be there, standing strong and unmoved by our materialistic lives. It’ll always stand strong under us, over us and around us. Words can’t describe how wonderful nature is. It completely parallels with God. Well He did create it after all. But He’s always there standing strong. Awesome.

Maybe we’re living in our very own Narnia….but we’re all to bothered with convenience and material desires to stop and look at how beautiful and giving our world is, beneath the empty concrete shells we build on top of it and around it.

I feel truly inspired I want to go write a story….or draw a picture or write a poem.

No longer a Fresher May 19, 2008

Hardy har. I have finished my Fresher year now. The FP is still a Fresher till September. Ha. Ha. The exam…oh dear. The Biology stuff = easy. The Cognitive stuff…half of it I’d never seen in all of my life so there was a lot of guessing going on. There was less tension in the exam place today seeing as it was our last exam.

This year at Uni has been interesting. I’ve grown as a person so much. I’m not as angry as I used to be, I’m quite mellow. I’m more confident…I have a higher self esteem nowadays and I’ve done things I never would have thought possible a year back. Some things people take for granted, like walking to town on their own. I never used to be able to do that. I couldn’t walk anywhere and now I can (well I could in a physical sense, just psychologically I couldn’t). I feel quite proud. Meeting and talking to new different people I couldn’t do either but now I can, with some ease. I’m still quite shy and that, I’ve not become some over confident person who loves themselves, but that’s just part of my personality. The main thing is, my social phobia no longer rules me, I rule it. It still tries to get me occasionally, but I’ve learnt how to ignore it now. Of course I have some regrets from this year and I’m not exactly where I would’ve liked to be, but I’m actually very happy. I feel accomplished. Next year will throw up even more challenges, but instead of being scared of them, I’m quite looking forward to them, to see how far I can go. I do still get sad and stuff sometimes, but not like how I did. The mood swings I get nowadays are far more “normal” in that I’m not how I was (haha how cryptic), they’re just normal feelings of being a bit down. Like everyone gets some days. I want to go on rambling even more….but I won’t bore people. I’ll end this paragraph by simply stating the change in me is testimony to God. I don’t think I could’ve done it without Him.

On a more light-hearted note….I’ve ordered a QI DVD (the B series) because I LOVE QI. It’s amazing. Stephen Fry is awesome and Alan Davies well makes me laugh. You could say I find it Quite Interesting I can’t wait til it gets here. I’ve also just ordered a Jon Schmidt CD. He’s a piano player. He’s amazing, I love his songs.

Another blog with no official Narnia  mention. Don’t worry, I’ve not gone off it at all, I just don’t feel inclined to write about it today.

Yesterday, someone used a google translator thing to view my blog in French. I also viewed my blog in French despite the fact I know no French. It really amused me.

I have a pingback in my spam queue. I don’t know what a pingback is. I’m bored already.

Procrastination May 10, 2008

I’m bored. And revising is bad. I don’t even know what’s going on in my next exam, the whole Psychology group = confused.

I’ve decided…..I am no longer over loaded with Narnia, I think it was just because I was stressed and tired. Now I’m fully happy with it. There’s soooooooooooooooooo many new clips of the Prince Caspian film. They’ve made Caspian and Peter not like each other though…that’s not how it was in the book. And the whole Caspian and Susan thing, apparently they’ve cut out loads of the flirting. Why put it in the first place?! She’s 1300 years his senior and he’ll never see her again. Damn their Hollywoodising ways. My Narnia obsession is as follows:

I love my huge poster. The FP got it me for my birthday. It hangs above my computer in a large frame.  I do have all the Chronicles separately (as in in separate books)…but I couldn’t be bothered to get them out, so the big combined version will do for the purpose of the photo. Procrastinating much?

I was reading through my leaving book today. Haha what a load of old tosh. It made me quite mad. There was a lot of writing about how people would never forget being friends and keeping in touch etc etc. People have forgotten. A couple of people in particular. I don’t know how people can move on so easily and forget their friends until it suits them otherwise? I feel very cross. Maybe I just hold onto and value friendships too much? It takes me ages to trust people and to have them throw that away is baaaaaad. But I’ve been talking to Joy and she has amused me. Therefore, I am not mad anymore. And also, my Derren Brown book came. And it’s rather awesome.

Yesterday I was researching my family tree. Why? Well, I was watching TV when I was supposed to be revising and this little Channel 4 thing came on about some Hanging Tree…so I looked it up ‘cos it looked interesting, and it said about the Celts. So I was researching the Celts and I wondered if I come at all from Celtic origin, so I started researching….then I stumbled upon a mystery I already knew of but wasn’t really bothered. But it bothered me yesterday, I was curious, and the more curious I got the more I wanted answers. My Grandad’s parents both died when he was very young and so I can’t trace my family back past him. However, my dear old Nan (now deceased) had already tried, leaving a note in a book, with the names of who I believe to be his parents. So I’ve got that far. After exams I might pop down to the registry place and have a look at birth and death certificates if possible.

I also asked a lovely lady called Gill if she knew. Now the thing with Gill, is she is my Dad’s ex-wife. I was forbidden (and still am) from getting in touch with her in no uncertain terms (this was last year)….but I did anyway. And I’m glad. She’s really lovely and not like my parents depicted her to be. However she held no other information for me, but asked if I found anything out I let her know. So I have.

It’s really muggy today. I don’t like it. I guess I’d better get back to revision now I’ve finished ranting and typing a lot of old rubbish. Woopdeedoo.

Regrets. April 26, 2008

• Not doing all 3 A Levels
• As a consequence not getting into a more prestigious University
• Not leaving Coventry
• Choosing Priory Hall as a place to live
• Not staying with the Choir at Coundon
• Not nagging enough for piano lessons
• Not trying a bit harder with everything